Am I losing myself? This is the fear gnawing in the deepest realms of my mind and my heart. I am wandering in an unknown place. I don’t know which way I came in and it is increasingly becoming difficult to find a way out.
What is this place called? This place which is midway between what was and what would be or rather what could be.
It is not an ugly place to be. No it is anything but that. In fact it has the potential of getting morphed into a beautiful abode. The wild untamed Brooke that runs through it could become a serene lake somewhere. The wild flowers may not be sweet smelling but they are bright and colourful. The undergrowth may be running helter skelter but the wide expanse of its greenery may put the manicured gardens to shame.
So why am I restless here? Is it because it is not the place I had started off for or is it because I am too languid to take up the challenges this vista before me is throwing up at me?
Quite likely it is the later. I have never been a planning person all my life. When I started off on this journey there was no particular destination I had in mind. I was content to keep walking as long as I was moving ahead, as long as the scene before me was changing and somewhere deep inside I was harboring the hope that I will reach someplace which would not disappoint me.
So this unknown place that I am in which is brimming with potential is not the worst one could do for oneself. There are thousands of small paths meandering in and out and I could take any one of them and begin a new journey from here. Or I could choose o remain here a little while and enjoy the exotic sights and smells on offer.
Yet what scares me is that if I remain here too long I may be left behind, forgotten and become a figment of someone’s memory. So should I proceed on one of those paths which are only partially visible from amidst the outgrowth and journey towards the unknown? What if there are perils on the path I choose? What If my chosen path takes me to an arid and barren land? A land where no opportunities thrive, where peace and serenity are nowhere to be found.
My mind is fraught with these questions. Questions which no one else can answer for me. I will think a little while longer. Maybe the answers will come to me on their own. Maybe a little time and some soul searching is all that is required
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